Butterflies

Make Bottle Bricks

Because I and, to a lesser extent, David Attenborough say so.

Like most of you, when I first saw WALL-E I assumed it was a documentary and was relieved to find we had at last discovered a solution to the madness of short-term landfillery. However, on attempting to contact and marry EVA, Pixar security guards informed me not just that I would be charged with breach of the peace but also that the film was a work of speculative fiction. There remains, therefore, much to be done about our culture of single-use disposability and my love life.

Plastic is a particular scourge, something I’ve been banging on about for 15 years but you only bothered with once David Attenborough made you sad about a dolphin stubbing its toe on a Coke bottle, perhaps because of his greater wisdom, knowledge, experience, qualifications, credibility and global audience. Thanks to me and David people seem to be getting wise to the horrors of single-use plastic, fighting hard against plastic carrier bags and agreeing plastic straws suck. But still we wrap a ton of stuff in non-recyclable plastic to keep it fresh, the kind of shit that takes about 400 years – or two Trump presidencies – to biodegrade. While engineerists, scienticians and supply chainers work on biodegradable alternatives – and they’re doable – we need to do something with the plastic that’s knocking about already and get me back on Tinder.

Bottle bricks, or eco-bricks, are a thing I heard about 40 minutes ago and am now fully obsessed with. It’s possible your best friend David Attenborough’s already told you but the idea is we gather up single-use, non-recyclable plastics – yer crisp packets, yer chocolate wrappers, yer salad bags, yer dental floss – and pack them tightly into plastic bottles. When crammed to the right kind of density they become rock hard and can be used as building material for a whole bunch of stuff: hipster planters, hipster chairs, even whole goddamn buildings.

They’re not perfect, of course. The bottles eventually become a bitch to recycle if they’re covered in concrete as mortar, and they only postpone the problem of how we finally dispose of single-use plastics. But they’re better than chucking it all straight in the bin and can be at least a part of the bigger solution we need. They can turn single-use plastic into double-use plastic while we’re constructing our first garbage robot. Of course, as Zeroes we avoid buying plastic bottles so may encounter a shortage of eco-brick receptacles. Happily, thanks to littering bastards we can look in any park, beach or seal’s oesophagus to find discarded bottles ready for reuse.

Once you’ve stuffed your bottles good and tight you can drop them off at your nearest collection point – ecobricks.org will help you there – and encourage your local school, nursery and community groups to get stuck in and maybe tell their sisters I’m back on the market. We could go the whole rest of our lives never sending any plastic to any landfills anywhere ever again. Get on it!

Make bottle bricks!

We can build stuff

Save the goddamn world

Photo credit: The Zero

Related Blog Posts

11 Reasons Climate Change Will Wipe Us Out, LOL

11 Reasons Climate Change Will Wipe Us Out, LOL

As the climate crisis escalates and we begin laying track for Fury Roads, most of us are living our lives much as before. It’s a society-wide combover, with all of us pretending not to notice the very clear bald patches poking through. But even with our eyes closed and our fingers in our ears, climate breakdown will keep on trucking. Here’s how, Buzzfeed style:

High high death toll at low low prices!

High high death toll at low low prices!

Say what you like about climate change, it takes a lot of hard work. Wilfully destroying the planet, triggering climate breakdown and bringing on irreversible mass extinction takes effort and sticktoitiveness. It takes constant vigilance, lest we accidentally find ourselves reducing our kamikaze carbon emissions. Fortunately, humans are always working, always innovating. Always coming up with new ways to wipe ourselves out.

Shell to pay

Shell to pay

Something big might possibly have happened, maybe. As climate breakdown kicks off and the sixth mass extinction continues, the genocidal capitalists behind it all might finally be getting what for.

Deep sea mining: Because the planet won’t kill itself

Deep sea mining: Because the planet won’t kill itself

Dumb as we are, humans are still finding new ways to wipe out life on earth. The latest wheeze is deep sea mining, in which genocidal capitalists hunt for minerals and metals by tearing up the seabed, demolishing fragile undersea ecosystems we’ve barely begun to explore or understand. Add to this our love of chronic overfishing, plastic pollution and coral bleaching, and we’re properly giving the oceans what for. Which is a shame, given they’re currently keeping us alive.

Low traffic neighbourhood, low energy activism

Low traffic neighbourhood, low energy activism

With the Covid apocalypse continuing to apocalypt, and lockdowns limiting our ability to gather in groups, environmental activism has become slightly tricky. And with yer man The Zero struck down by long Covid his ability to do much of anything has become even trickier, though he remains able to refer to himself creepily in the third person. Happily, Greenpeace is still trying to save us…

Boryx and Crake

Boryx and Crake

And so to the distasteful business of saying something halfway nice about a Tory policy. This week saw incompetent Head Boy Boris Johnson announce his 10-point plan to take back control from the climate apocalypse. And while I’ll be back to slagging the vicious prick by the fourth paragraph, there were a couple of half-decent things in it that deserve a mention.

A true inconvenience

A true inconvenience

It was at six dark forty on the 13th October 2020 that there was a great disturbance in the Twittersphere, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in pissy consternation and were, unfortunately, not suddenly silenced. Then it was that Apple announced they would start shipping phones without power adapters and earbuds.

Soylent Greenpeace

Soylent Greenpeace

As the Covid apocalypse continues apocalypting, and global recessions begin to recess, Greenpeace has been busy asking people what kind of a future they want, keen on the reboot potential of a #GreenRecovery. They want us to think about what transport could look like, how healthcare and energy and infrastructure could be. And they want us to write about it in foulmouthed blogs and on inappropriate social media accounts that could get us fired if someone blows our poorly-maintained anonymity. Okay then.

Reforest tump

Reforest tump

As long-time readers/fans/stalkers of The Zero will recall, I recently became fully obsessed with trees. Trees are a relatively recent innovation in which upright wooden cylinders are placed beneath a cluster of small green photosynthesis machines, to both produce oxygen and unproduce carbon dioxide.

Blog archives

Share This