We’re wasting our waste.
Composting is one of those things people did back when babies were booming, before we got all wasteful and throwaway. Where once we flung banana peels on our compost heap and made jam from bunting while waiting for them to degrade, we now fling them into plastic bin bags and send them to landfills. It might seem like much of a muchness, or at least some of a muchness, given wherever they go banana peels are going to rot themselves away, but eat fact: According to Recycle Now, when food waste is cocooned in plastic and buried in landfill it releases more methane – a greenhouse gas 25 times shittier than carbon dioxide. Landfill’s no good, and yet WRAP reckons we bin more than 80% of the 10 million tonnes of food waste we produce every year. That’s not for us.
Those of you blessed with gardens or allotments can get composters, often subsidised through your local authorities. You can throw all of your raw biodegradable waste into them, wait a few months while nature and physics get busy and then enjoy the compost that pours forth. As well as reducing landfill and the production of methane you’ll have made a cracking compost for your garden which will, according to Recycle Now, feed your plants, keep your PH nicely balanced, maintain moisture levels and improve soil structure.
Composting is trickier for us gardenless borderline-hobos but options remain. You could get a wormery. They work in much the same way as composters but can be kept indoors as they’re supposed to honk less powerfully. You invite worms into your wormery, throw your kitchen waste into it, let the worms chow down on it as it rots, wait for them to poop it out and then use their poop as liquid fertiliser. I gave a wormery a go a few years back and made a complete arse of it but I remain convinced they could be decent if you’re not a complete moron. Alternatively you could get a bokashi bin, trading worms for bacteria. The idea there is you invite bacteria-laden bran into your bokashi bin, throw your kitchen waste into it, let the bacteria ferment it, and use it as compost. You could even get both, treating your worms to some fancy pickled waste that, to them, would be like some Michelin starred swank. The dirty bastards.
For gardenless tramps who’ve been through traumatic wormery experiences, there remains the option of local authority food waste collections. What happens to your food waste thereafter varies according to your local overlords so it’s worth looking into it. In Glasgow, where the Zero Sub is currently docked, they turn some of it into agricultural fertilizer and the rest into biogas. That’ll do for me.
Naturally, the starting point for all of our composting efforts is to buy less and waste less, but the scraps we’re left with don’t have to obliterate our chances of surviving on this planet. With a composter, a wormery, a bokashi bin or a kerb we can give landfills a bit of peace, WALL-Es a little less to do, the planet a little less methane and your self a little more righteousness. Get on it!
Save the goddamn world
Related Blog Posts
11 Reasons Climate Change Will Wipe Us Out, LOL
As the climate crisis escalates and we begin laying track for Fury Roads, most of us are living our lives much as before. It’s a society-wide combover, with all of us pretending not to notice the very clear bald patches poking through. But even with our eyes closed and our fingers in our ears, climate breakdown will keep on trucking. Here’s how, Buzzfeed style:
High high death toll at low low prices!
Say what you like about climate change, it takes a lot of hard work. Wilfully destroying the planet, triggering climate breakdown and bringing on irreversible mass extinction takes effort and sticktoitiveness. It takes constant vigilance, lest we accidentally find ourselves reducing our kamikaze carbon emissions. Fortunately, humans are always working, always innovating. Always coming up with new ways to wipe ourselves out.
Shell to pay
Something big might possibly have happened, maybe. As climate breakdown kicks off and the sixth mass extinction continues, the genocidal capitalists behind it all might finally be getting what for.
Deep sea mining: Because the planet won’t kill itself
Dumb as we are, humans are still finding new ways to wipe out life on earth. The latest wheeze is deep sea mining, in which genocidal capitalists hunt for minerals and metals by tearing up the seabed, demolishing fragile undersea ecosystems we’ve barely begun to explore or understand. Add to this our love of chronic overfishing, plastic pollution and coral bleaching, and we’re properly giving the oceans what for. Which is a shame, given they’re currently keeping us alive.
Low traffic neighbourhood, low energy activism
With the Covid apocalypse continuing to apocalypt, and lockdowns limiting our ability to gather in groups, environmental activism has become slightly tricky. And with yer man The Zero struck down by long Covid his ability to do much of anything has become even trickier, though he remains able to refer to himself creepily in the third person. Happily, Greenpeace is still trying to save us…
Boryx and Crake
And so to the distasteful business of saying something halfway nice about a Tory policy. This week saw incompetent Head Boy Boris Johnson announce his 10-point plan to take back control from the climate apocalypse. And while I’ll be back to slagging the vicious prick by the fourth paragraph, there were a couple of half-decent things in it that deserve a mention.
A true inconvenience
It was at six dark forty on the 13th October 2020 that there was a great disturbance in the Twittersphere, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in pissy consternation and were, unfortunately, not suddenly silenced. Then it was that Apple announced they would start shipping phones without power adapters and earbuds.
As the Covid apocalypse continues apocalypting, and global recessions begin to recess, Greenpeace has been busy asking people what kind of a future they want, keen on the reboot potential of a #GreenRecovery. They want us to think about what transport could look like, how healthcare and energy and infrastructure could be. And they want us to write about it in foulmouthed blogs and on inappropriate social media accounts that could get us fired if someone blows our poorly-maintained anonymity. Okay then.
As long-time readers/fans/stalkers of The Zero will recall, I recently became fully obsessed with trees. Trees are a relatively recent innovation in which upright wooden cylinders are placed beneath a cluster of small green photosynthesis machines, to both produce oxygen and unproduce carbon dioxide.