With the Olympics all done with and the Paralympics prepping itself for interest considerably less feigned than usual, it’s time to reflect on the heroes at whom we marvel, the champions who capture our hearts, the icons who inspire a generation. Jessica Ennis. Usain Bolt. Me.

You’ll recall how last year I ran a couple of 10ks for chazza, helping round up a team who together raised almost eight grand for them there children’s homes in Nepal. You’ll recall, too, how embarrassed I was by the whole thing, scared I’d come off like Steve from Accounts who does nothing for 364 consecutive days and then thinks he’s the world’s greatest humanitarian for pegging it up his high street once a year. Like people who buy the charity X Factor single and think they’re doing their bit, or people who fanny around the office with a red nose and think they’re ker-azy. How I hate them.

That said, I’m doing it again. Which is a shame, given the extent to which I can’t be bothered and the fact I’ve hardly trained. After that second 10k my enthusiasm tailed off thanks to a lousy autumn, a lousier winter and a spot of essay-induced exhaustion. Getting back into it has been an uphill struggle. Sometimes literally. The Edinburgh 10k was so steep and hilly, at one point I was actually running upside down. But that’s the life of a fundraiser. You have to lead by example, which is why I’m now running a half marathon.

So far we’ve got a team of 14 aiming for the Edinburgh 5k and 10k, the Glasgow 10k and half marathon, and the Jedburgh and London half marathons, and I’m hoping to nag another six people into joining us. By which I mean I’m hoping to nag six people already running into nagging another six people into joining us given I’ve run out of friends on account of my personality. Point is we’re aiming for a bigger team and more money than last year. I’m hoping also to bore the shit out of Twitter with a constant stream of updates about training runs, ingesting protein and maxing out my quads, as is the wont of the amateur middle distance runner.

To help in these endeavours I will use my high profile as the world’s most beloved blogger and my legendary trademark as an athlete extraordinaire. Usain has the lightening bolt. Mo Farah has the mobot. I have being a prick. Now sponsor me, you bastards.

Photo credit: The Zero